alzix:

I live in constant fear of being shit on by a bird

at the resturant with bae

  • waitress: *fills his glass with ice water*
  • me: *watches thot ass waitress pour a lil too much water for my liking*
  • me: you want my man or something?
  • her: wh-wat?
  • me: i'm just trying to figure out why u pour his glass first? im closer? why his water got so much ice?
  • me: I mean the glass already sweating bitch why u think he so dehydrated? im the only bitch who put ice in his glass.
  • me: everybody else got 3 ice square cubes and he got 5 circle ones bitch u think u slick huh? a circle for every minute u gon suck his dick huh? spelling out morris code for u can raw me in ice cubes huh?
  • him: aye calm down
  • me: nah cause she wanna give u 5 ice circles for what? its 72 degrees and mild 1 ice wud have been just fine. bitch gimme a male waiter--matta fact bitch when u get off cause its one too many ice circles and u think fat meat aint greasy

Driver, lower my tuition please.

jamaicanamazon:

mxtori:

ohnahhureallyneedtochill:

misterdelfuego:

ignoranceaintshit:

supreme-insanity:

I don’t have enough money for my basic needs. 

Working 40+ hours just to pay my rent

Now I don’t even have a single cent

Tuition is high, I gotta pay for books

Oh i’m so broke and I don’t wanna look

I popped open my wallet, no funds to count

my credit declined and my check just bounced

Oh, there daddy, daddy betta bring that TAP
Oh, baby, baby where my FASFA at?

Perfection.

blueklectic:

Maaaaan

(Source: justagaycanadian)

"Permanent feelings for the temporary people."

six word story #2 (via whiskied)

artichokehold:

I’m pretty good at cooking i can make a mean chickenimage

signedfury:

Somewhere, Rob Kardashian just ate an entire Pizza Hut.

(Source: mattsgifs)

iamnotover:

hungoverandhard-up:

robynjaja:

This is one of the most adorable comics I’ve ever read

I’ve been waiting for this to pop back up on my dashboard.. we are way too hard on ourselves.

YES, EVERYONE!! Read this! You’re wonderful!

(Source: dutchster)